travel head
"Earth: Mostly Harmless." - Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.


Gran Canaria 1998 I spent two weeks from my vacation on Gran Canaria in the end of 1998 (from 15/11/98 to 01/12/98), first week I walked on the beaches of San Agustin - Playa del Inglés - Maspalomas area, second one in Las Palmas, the capital of that island.

The following is true story about one night of mine in Playa del Inglés.
View from RIU Palace to south; next stop - Antarctica. 17th November 1998.
I decided that the night should have to be for fun. So I left my hotel at eight o'clock and walked up to the city where was Yumbo - the biggest shopping/entertaining centre in the South of Gran Canaria. Yumbo is actually not a shopping centre but garden of temptations: millions of bottles of perfumes, mountains of things you'll never need but you just have to buy these because if you don't have them, you're not a man... And everything is so cheap, at least for Nordic man. As a result of "shopping sessions" I found later items I had to left in my hotel room before leaving because I couldn't see any ways I will use them at home. Just the fun of shopping itself. Oh and probably maid could sell these stupid sunglasses and other things to new tourists.

One of great logos of Maspalomas area. But Yumbo is more than just shops, it's also cafes, bars, restaurants, nightclubs, discos, hairdressers, tattoos, saunas, everything. I believe, Playa des Inglés area is one of the few places in the world where you may live pure gay-life 25 hours a day and 8 days a week. Walking around, I found a Chinese restaurant on the ground floor and had more or less normal evening meal. Nothing special, and however spring rolls were okay, chicken was probably 100 years old and coke (sic! - Coca-Cola in Chinese national restaurant) has been served in beer-mugs. The best part of supper was the boy who served my chicken. Real candy who didn't spoke English. Damn!

See, even Flora is gay on Gran Canaria. Anyway, after paying all the "hidden" taxes for that ancient chicken and company, I spent a hour, walking and watching near Yumbo. Back on the ground floor later, one drag-queen decided to offer me free beer if I only would spend few hours with his (her?) friend in the bar, just as long as he's performing... Well, that was weird but as I hadn't much to do, so I said yes. Oh boy, that friend was another drag in a dress like... well, you know what drags wear but the color, I've never thought it's possible to wear something SO blue. Nevertheless that 22 years old guy from Hamburg was okay and we spent a nice evening before his friend (the same one who asked me couple of hours before) became jealous and we all had to leave. Scandalous. One thing I couldn't understand was why such a cute boy wants to wear such dress and make-up which makes him much older and uglier. And by the way, the performing of that jealous drag wasn't good at all, synchronisation was terrible, he forgot the lyrics and jokes were everything but funny. But yes, the beer (Spanish own "Tropical") was excellent.

There I was, back on my own again. At last I decided to find out why the crowd was laughing in one end of ground floor. There was another drag-show and now I'm glad I'd stayed. There's a major difference between amateurs and professional and it's bigger than Universe. These guys were "imported" from good old England and Now! That's what I call entertainment! Describing their show is meaningless but I can't remember any other situation in my life when I couldn't stop laughing for ninety plus minutes. My face was stiffen and my eyes were red like some rabbit's...

Advertisement in gay-guide. When the show was over, it was already a time to the disco. The choice of music is another story, I believe, they had totally some 40 songs which were played all over again, same songs I've heard in South and later in Las Palmas again. So, about one o'clock I've landed in King's Club, a club-a-like institution on second floor, I believe. Loud music, expensive beer (but the entrance was free) and the darkroom which was as dark as midday in September, actually there was more light in darkroom than some corners of dancing area.

Couple of hookers were ready and tried to take off everybody who entered the room, they (the hookers) were definitely too drunk and had taken too many drugs, so the whole picture was like some nightmare, painted by Goya. But perhaps it should have to be so, I was in Spain after all. The mixture of boys ghastly faces, greenish light of TV-monitor in the top corner of darkroom, showing hardcore, sounds of fucking men in toilet, smells of tobacco, beer and semen - it was all together like a wild wet dream.

Faro Maspalomas. I think, I wasn't ready for so open action, so I moved back to upstairs, to the dancing area. Funny, nobody was dancing, except one long-haired cutie who moved his body with a charm. I took another beer and turned to watch him and noticed his closed eyes. He wore the usual dark jeans and light top but his boots were massive, some sort of Dr.Marten's type. A weird combination in that area, I believe.

Later, after two or three songs, he finished and came to the bar. I was sure, he deserves for his great performance a drink and asked him, can I buy for him. He agreed and ordered whisky with pineapple juice. Hmmm, I thought, pretty normal. In the next few hours we've passed the marathon of drinking and talking, I've learned that he is local guy, living in San Agustin area with his aunt, working in tourism business and spending his free nights mostly in Yumbo. Our conversation was even more funny because we got more and more drunk and our English became more and more incomprehensible, he often asked something in Spanish and I remember myself answering in Estonian and we were laughing too loud.

Anyway, about four o'clock I decided I had filled my level of drinks for the day and we drove to my hotel. I had a lot of problems with him because he wanted desperately to try our pool but as using pool in the night was forbidden by the rules of hotel, I promised him to have a long shower in my room. This was even more funny because after four or five minutes warm water was gone and our skins met something freezy and wet.

My hotel's living room with open door... Fun continued in the bedroom. In this hotel ("Grimanesa") they had two single beds which were just placed side by side in a way that the whole thing only looked like normal double-bed. Only looked because while making our gymnastics there, these treacherous beds moved away from each other and suddenly we found ourselves on the floor.

When I woke about nine o'clock with a headache, he was already gone and the door was left open. As I found out later, somebody also had taken my aftershave; that somebody had removed bottle from the cardboard box and left box for me. I'm afraid, my Spanish companion is responsible for this but I'm still not sure. Luckily everything was fine with my cash & cards and however I think, that night was definitely worth the twenty dollars I paid for perfume, the feeling of being used made me angry. In fact I've never met him again, so I couldn't ask for his explanations.
So, welcome to Gran Canaria! - And no, they don't pay me.

© 1998, ancientboy

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